I have (oops, the word is, I guess, HAD) this friend. We've been friends for a very long time - like 13-14 years. WOW, I know. I'm old. hee-hee
Anyhoots, she's been extremely negative lately and very judgemental of everything literally. It's so sad. And, to be honest, I'm tired of hearing the negative and judgemental stuff from her all of the time - especially when she doesn't know all of the facts or the person(s), etc. It's so sad - did I already type that?!?! Oops.
Ok, to be honest, she's always has been negative and pretty darn harsh judging people she doesn't know for a very long time. I just finally opened up my eyes
to it.
I am not a shy person. I've been speaking up and letting her know - but she just doesn't care. It's like she's the judge and everyone is in her court and she's ALWAYS right/aka she's the perfect one. Wow - how sad.
Our friendship has changed literally overnight as well. She used to call me every day (sometimes many times a day) and I would call her too (not every day though...I have a life!). Then all of a sudden, things changed. The phone calls came only once a week or every other week. I know I shouldn't complain because it always is difficult to get off of the phone with her. I'd say, Viv, I better get going...and then she'd bring something else up and keep chatting...sort of like she wasn't paying attention to me. She just wanted someone to hear her talk/her side of things/etc.
Finally, I was able to say, 'you know what, I really have to go. One of the kids is doing this or is doing that' and that seemed to work...sometimes.
I started to travel with another friend of mine (our schedules seemed to mesh a lot better - and to be honest, we travel pretty darn well together - and we have a lot in common and we have a lot of fun too). My 'old' friend gets jealous whenever I mention anything about going here or there. It is always something...geesh. I would tell her that I went to lunch with so and so and then she'd bag on them. How sad and pathetic. But, it was always ok in her eyes (and in mine - I'm not a jealous person - at least I don't think so) to go shopping with this person or that person and never even gave a moment to think about asking me to come along...which is fine, I guess. It always seemed like I was expected to always invite her ALWAYS - but she didn't deem it necessary to do the same. Oh well...her loss.
One of my other dear friends is a great person. I actually know a lot of great people who have families, who are living on their own, some are trying to make a difference in their community, etc.
My 'old' friend immediately judged one of my community serving friends right out of the gate...just because she dressed like a hippie, she was branded with being a party girl, druggie, alcoholic, etc...you name it. Geesh, how sad. Everytime I would invite my 'old' friend to go out with my other friend(s), sometimes she would go, but mosttimes she'd judge first and ask questions later. Some of them, she would call a 'whore'...and a lot of my friends aren't even sexually active (well, that I know about anyway).
Now, some of my friends she made quick judgements about she has now realized she was SOOOOO wrong. She actually likes these people. She actually likes what they do, their morals, their ethics, etc. They actually have a lot in common (except for the judgemental thing, of course). But the thing is, none of my other friends like her. Not because I told them anything she has said about them, because I have not...what good would that do?!?! They think that she is too needy, too petty, too loud, too perfect, too judgemental, she's too caught up in herself, too selfish, spoiled, just to name a few things.
There have been countless times when she said I was a good judge of character and that I 'somehow' know how to pick out the good from the bad ones. And, I totally agree with this. Mainly because I don't judge a book by its cover...nor do I judge a person by their looks. I do allow time to get to know someone first and then if we have something in common great. If not, well, it was a pleasure to meet you - now away with you!
My 'old' friend somehow picks the needy people, the weirdo's! But, that's ok too - they need friends just like everyone else.
I don't know why I'm going on and on about this for. It's over with, and this is what I have been wanting for a very long time. It's just like ending any long relationship - it is hard to let go. And that is what I must do...let go.
I guess the thing(s) that bugs me the most is 'why now?' and 'why like this?' Why wasn't I the one to stop contact first? Why am I being so petty? Oh, I know, I learned from the pro - my 'old' friend, Viv.
And then, if that is the case, why did I pick to be friends with someone like this for SOOOO long? Was I to learn something? And did I learn it? Hummm.
Tonight, when sharing that Viv and I are not talking now, my friends were elated (meaning 'extremely excited'). They said that I had to quit enabling her - wow! I'm glad that I have their support. I may need it.
Thanks for listening to me rant tonight. Did I mention that it is snowing here? It's absolutely beautiful - I hope it actually sticks!
Enjoy your day, enjoy your family, and enjoy your friends!
